SIBLING RIVALRY

Sibling rivalry is a form of animosity characterized by jealousy, competition and fighting among brothers and/ or sisters, whether blood related or not. One major reason for sibling rivalry is the desire to get parental attention. Children become aware of differences in the way they are treated by their parents (and other people) by the age of one. Usually, sibling rivalry usually begins after the birth of a second child, and may worsen, if older children are not prepared for the birth of a younger sibling.

Causes of Sibling Rivalry

According to the University of Michigan Healthsystem, some of the causes of sibling rivalry include:

• Children competing to define who they are as each of them discovers the aspects that make them unique, such as their talents
• When children feel like they are getting unequal amounts of parental responsiveness, attention or discipline
  
• The age of the children. The developmental stage at which children are may be a contributing factor to sibling rivalry. As children mature and learn how to resolve their issues, sibling rivalry lessens
• Boredom or idleness
• Parents encouraging aggression as a way of resolving conflict between siblings
• Feeling threatened by the arrival of a newborn child
• Inability to cope well with stress that makes children easily irritable/ frustrated
• Not knowing positive ways to get the attention of a brother/ sister or initiate play with them
• Lack of bonding. Not having time to share regular, enjoyable family times together such as eating meals together can increase the chances of sibling rivalry
• Parents being stressed can also lead to an increase in sibling rivalry since the parents may become less attentive to them.
  

Parenting Strategies to deal with sibling rivalry

The following  are some of the things that parents (and other caregivers) can do to help cope/ deal with sibling rivalry:

1. Encourage older siblings to make friends with  the younger ones, right before birth. Show them images of the unborn child and let them feel the kicks. This prepares the psychologically for the arrival.
   
2. Affirm the importance of each child. For instance, older children with a new born sibling need to know that they are equally important as the new born, though they may not be given as much detailed attention
3. Avoid favouring one child over the other(s)
4. Do not label or compare your children
5. Appreciate each of your children’s talents and successes
6. Teach your children to cooperate by giving them activities that require them to do so rather than to compete
7. Plan for family activities that are fun and enjoyable for everyone to enable your kids to have good experiences together
   
8. Find time to spend alone with each child
9. In case of a conflict, teach and encourage your children to express their feelings in a positive manner
10. Encourage win- win situations where each child gains something
11. Set rules/ limits to be followed that discourage rivalry and encourage harmony
12. Intervene when the fights get dangerous and calm the situation between them. Once calm, explain to them that violence is not allowed

At the end of it all, always remember that children, and families at large, can ultimately bond and be the best that they can be, despite the rivalry that is experienced amongst them once in a while.