You think parenting is easy? Here
are a few tests to give you a feel of what it means to be a parent.
Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on
the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the
walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and
leave it there all summer.
Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box
of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or
broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could
wake a child at night.)
Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or
two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the
grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
damage.
Dressing Test: Obtain one large,
unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms
stay inside.
Feeding Test: Obtain a large
plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a
stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal
(such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending
to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test: Prepare by obtaining
a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in
water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down
your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing
every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too
until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women): Obtain a
large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there
for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
Physical Test (Men): Go to the
nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help
himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and
arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a
newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment: Find a couple
who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their
discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.
Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never
allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers.
Respect !!!!! to all the parents.
They go through a lot to bring up their children.
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