Tips of success

1. Do what you love. I LOVE to train. It does wonders for my ADD, and it’s a time when no one is putting any demands on me. All I need to focus on is what my body is feeling and where I am going. It’s liberating. It’s empowering. As far as work goes, I also do what I love. I love to teach others how to tap into their potential, to figure out what they are passionate about. Figure out what you enjoy doing and that will give you a good clue as to your gift. Because we all possess at least one gift and we are doing the world a disservice if we do not employ that gift. There are times when we must do something we do NOT love. Raise your hand if you love homework. Exactly. But there are certain things we must do in order to reach our goals, goals that include doing what we love. Get through high school, college if applicable, do your chores at home and pay your dues at work, all the time focusing on the long term goal of having the freedom to do what you love.

2. Learn from your mistakes. The most successful people in the world have made the most mistakes. Just like the kids on ice skates I was telling you about. But what sets the successful people apart from the “failures” is they don’t dwell on them. They pick themselves up, think about what went wrong and what not to do again or what to do better next time, and they then move forward. There will always be a tomorrow. And while, especially at your age, it seems like on a day where you screwed up big time or there’s some awful rumor going round about you or something, and the world is coming to an end – it really isn’t.

3. Surround yourself with positive people who most resemble the person you wrote down earlier. If your friends make you feel like garbage, find another friend. If your friends are making bad choices, or have priorities that don’t match yours, you better unfriend them because guess whom you will start to resemble…

My friends are active, motivated, supportive people who want to make a difference in the world. I don’t have time for anyone else. DEFINITELY unfriend those emotional vampires. We all know at least one – the Debbie Downers who are always complaining, or making us feel inferior.

4. Don’t take anything personally. This is a HUGE one. It’s one of the hardest. Even at my age, it’s hard not to base your self-opinion on what others say. If someone rejects a service or product I’m offering, it’s hard not to feel personally rejected. But we need to remember that we all come together with different life experiences. If you aren’t enjoying this coaching session, for example, and you think this is the biggest waste of time and I’m the biggest idiot you’ve ever seen or heard, it’s a reflection on you, not on me. It may be that you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Or this morning your parents had a huge fight and you’re worried they might be getting divorced. Or maybe I remind you of some crazy lady on an infomercial you caught at 1:00 am while you were stressing over whether or not Johnny was going to show all his friends that picture you texted him. Bottom line – we all have different life experiences and we bring these experiences into our interactions with others. So your opinion of me has nothing to do with me and everything to do with YOU. Of course, this also works for if you have a good opinion of me.

5. Set goals. Take those attributes from the eulogy activity and make them into life goals. For example, if a friend eulogized me by saying, “Susanne was a strong, resilient, passionate woman who taught her friends, family and clients to lead happy, purposeful lives,” then I will think about this and figure out some SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Driven.

So depending on where I am in the decision making process, I may make SMART goals around researching career options, or taking steps toward a certain certification, or writing a book, or whatever it happens to be. Having goals provides us with a daily road map. If we don’t set goals, we end up like ships lost at sea. Eventually we’ll hit a port or an island, but we may be very far from where we were meant to end up. Also, having goals helps us on those inevitable days where just getting out of bed is a challenge.

6. Recognize and act on opportunities. Remember how I mentioned that I coach the ACHIEVE kids triathlon program each summer? With Waterbury kids? And how it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done professionally? Well the way that happened is that on my way back from my first Ironman, on the plane, I decided to pull out an older copy of a triathlon magazine that I almost threw away but decided to read. There was this tiny blurb about ACHIEVE, which was a summer camp in DC and there was one in Houston. It really spoke to me so as soon as I got home I looked up the website. I thought, this is wonderful – Waterbury needs this. So I sent them an email. One trip to DC and many phone conversations later, and we were training 25 kids for 6 weeks to do their first triathlon. Because of this camp, my own kids (at the time ages 9 & 6) are triathletes. Because I recognized an opportunity and stepped outside my comfort zone. I didn’t just think, “oh how nice, this would be great in Waterbury,” and just leave it at that. Every person I meet is an opportunity to me. Perhaps a new friend, or a new client, perhaps I can help them or perhaps they can help a friend or client of mine. The same goes for books. Every time I read a book and think, “holy cow, this is amazing!” I email the author. This has led to some very interesting conversations, meetings, and personal and professional opportunities.

7. Find, develop, nurture your hobbies. My mother always said that one of the keys to happiness is to have at least one hobby you love. I couldn’t agree more. Hobbies are entertaining. They are an escape. They challenge you – intellectually, creatively, physically, inter-personally. They are a fall-back – when you feel betrayed by others, or by life, you can fall back on your hobby. You will never be bored if you have access to a hobby.

When you’re a little older and you no longer have homework and lacrosse to dominate your weekends, your hobbies will keep you busy and out of trouble. When you have kids and suddenly your life is turned upside down, and you start to wonder if you are losing your mind, your hobbies will help you stay grounded, will remind you you’re still the old you. When you retire from work, you can either drive your wife nuts or lose your sense of purpose, or you can dive into your hobbies. Hobbies are key.

8. Find a purpose outside of yourself. Make a difference in the world. For some people, this may mean coaching at the Waterbury ACHIEVE camp; for others, it may mean volunteering with the Peace Corps. Others may decide to sign up for a half marathon and raise money for a cause. Sometimes it’s as simple as just choosing to smile and talk to the kid who doesn’t seem to be too happy these days. Or to tell your teacher how much you appreciate him or her for caring so much about your future. Last week I was sitting next to a guy on a flight and we started talking. Eventually the conversation turned to “what we do.” I told him about the Life Force business I started a year ago, and then talked about the ACHIEVE summer program. He was really impressed, and also embarrassed, saying, “It’s great there are people like you, so altruistic in this world. I’m all about making money.” I pointed out to him that people like me need people like him, because he can make lots of money and then give a bunch of it to me, to support ACHIEVE. The point is, there are many different ways to make a difference in the world.

Not everyone is supposed to be Mother Theresa – we also need Bill Gates. And everyone in between, can make the world a better place than it was when we woke up this morning.

9. Have great manners. One of the biggest differences I see between American kids and kids from other countries is the lack of manners. Unfortunately, this is changing and the rest of the world is catching up (in a bad way). But we still are the culture of bad manners. And it’s not just kids. Turn on TV and whether it’s a reality show or a talk show, you will have a great example of people interrupting each other, showing disrespect toward themselves and others, lacking gratitude or humility. It’s only getting worse with everyone texting and Facebooking, not even spelling words out, let alone having a phone or face-to-face conversation. I am all about progress and I love my iPhone and my mac computers, my underwater iShuffle. I can’t wait to get the Roomba, the vacuum cleaner robot that cleans by itself. Technology is great. But there is a price for everything and one of the biggest downfalls to our so-called progress, as I see it, is lack of manners. I think it’s one of the biggest causes of bullying. I also think it’s a big reason so many people are unhappy. Unhappy in their relationships. A big part of having good manners is respecting others and really listening to them, and these days people aren’t listening to each other. When you sit down at the dinner table with your parents each night and you switch off all electronic devices (minus background music), and you say “please” and “thank you” and look at each other as you speak – it’s kind of hard not to communicate in a meaningful way.

10. Practice gratitude. Yes, say thank you – but also, on a regular basis, really think about all that you have to be thankful for. There have been studies done where very depressed people have written in a gratitude journal. Each night they write down 5 or so things they are grateful for and in the morning before even getting out of bed, they read what they wrote the night before. It could be something like “I’m grateful to my parents for making the sacrifices they make to send me to a great school” or “I’m grateful that we won today’s swim meet.” Or when your day has been really rough, it may be something like, “I’m grateful I’m still alive” or “I’m grateful today is over.” No matter how awful we feel, there is always something we can be thankful for. In those studies with depressed people, it has been shown that regularly writing in a gratitude journal had the same effect as anti-depressant medication.

Gratitude leads to good feelings. It also leads to feelings of humility. Humility is good because when we are humble we are “marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; we show deferential or submissive respect.” When we are grateful, we are accepting that there are many good things in our lives, which we perhaps do not deserve, and by acknowledging them and not taking them for granted, we treat them better. And in turn, life will treat us better. When we change the way we look at things, things have a funny way of changing.