Reducing internal focus during social interactions

When we are socially anxious, we tend to spend a lot of time concentrating on our own bodily sensations during social interactions. This is because we fear that our anxiety is visible to others. For example, we may spend time trying to judge whether we are sweating, shaking, or blushing.

Although we do this in the hope being reassured that we are not visibly anxious, this strategy actually just makes things much worse. This is because we tend to overestimate how visible our anxiety is and this of course makes us feel even more self conscious. Also, by focusing on ourselves, we are prevented from fully concentrating on the conversations around us. This naturally makes it more difficult to join in properly and we usually end up interacting less well than we could. This typically strengthens our beliefs that we are no good in such situations. The reality is that anxiety is a lot less visible than we think. Often we have no idea if someone is anxious or not and it can help to remember this.

Similarly, when we feel socially anxious, we tend to spend time monitoring how well we are performing during social interactions. This too prevents us from paying proper attention to the conversations we are engaged in. For example, we may spend time trying to figure out if our voice sounds shaky, or go over and over the things we have said in our minds. Again, by doing so, we end up finding it hard to follow conversations which likely makes us perform worse. Given all of this, it is helpful to try to remove this tendency to focus on ourselves. Below you will find tips designed to help you during social interactions:

·         Try to spend less time focusing on your own physical symptoms in social situations.

·         Remember anxiety is much less visible than you imagine.

·         Even if you are visibly anxious, it does not necessarily mean that you will be thought badly of. Anxiety is something we all experience and it does not make you unusual.

·         Just because you feel anxious, it does not mean that you are performing poorly.

·         Remember - you are not the central focus of everyone's attention. There are plenty of other things for people to think and talk about.

·         Really try to concentrate on the conversation you are involved in. Don't think about how you appear or how well you are performing.

·         Don't replay parts of the conversation in your mind, instead just focus on what is being said in the present moment.

·         We do not need to perform perfectly or brilliantly in every social interaction we have, no-one can achieve such high standards.

·         Don't worry too much if there are silences. Everyone has a responsibility to keep conversations going. Besides, silences are ok and do not always need filled.

·         Just be yourself - don't 'put on a front.' Why bother when it is impossible for everyone to like us anyway. 
Part 7: Removing use of avoidance and safety behaviours